saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
