the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
