You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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