for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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