Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
