drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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