She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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