I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
