They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
