Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
