a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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