Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
