Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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