guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
