Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
