I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize