good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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