so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
