good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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