Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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