I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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