I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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