You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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