If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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