You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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