I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
