friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I didn't notice because vodka
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
