Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
