we have officially lost it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
