Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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