so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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