im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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