you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
two words...techno handjob
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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