I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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