p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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