Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
