the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
