I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i now understand why vodka
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
