I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
