i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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