when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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