There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
