her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
3 2 1 whiskey
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize