Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
