I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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