you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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