I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
