I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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