got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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