I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
