i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
