This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
