I'm drive I can fine osifer
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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