HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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