I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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