I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
