I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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