Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
