the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
