too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
