fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
