I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
