yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
