So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
