i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
