"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have tasted many bathrooms