omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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