I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
