I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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