What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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