sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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