Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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