is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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