happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
